BADLANDS.

HER BODY,

Was flawless.

When I saw her vs. the badlands

I saw Youth VS. Age

Each crack and crevice held a piece of preserved beauty.

And if you looked close enough in the trails of dust,

There was life & Death

I watched her pick at snails,

And hold the remains of what once was,

In her 23 year old hands.

 

When we left life had become more apparent,

She had aged that much more

And time was more relevant now than ever.

"Her body is not meant for perverse eyes but a mind able to breach a deeper sense of beauty."

BEHIND THE SCENES.

-Behind the scenes-

As a photographer, I rarely get the chance to sit on the sidelines in my underwear, observe a "behind the scenes" environment, and stuff my face with donuts.

I was lucky enough this past to week to do just that when asked to host a stellar crew of ladies in my home during a photoshoot for The Rock Agency.

I watched very talented Photographer Jessica Monte position her body up against & on every piece of furniture I own while sneaking bites of 7/11 donuts, Designer & Wardrobe stylist Jordan Hehn occasionally dance to Beyonce with jewels and fabric in and around her neck and mouth & Makeup/Hair stylist Jennifer Bruder treat the hairspray like a can a paint with the models head her personal tag space.

Impressed to say the least, Model Ashlie Severson kept her cool throughout the mist of "maximum hold" & a bunch of "dark roast" addicts. 

Shooting orders, 

tripping over your own feet, 

holding breath as long as shutter speeds, 

racing light,

reflecting light, 

balancing, 

contorting,

feeling emotions,

trying to express emotions, 

placing hands, arms, legs, 

acting out faces, 

feeling like an idiot,

acting like a crazy-person,

rushing, 

positioning, 

re-positioning, 

adrenaline.

I just watched them all watch her; 

Little did they know they were just as beautiful.

(in their element)

The Final Product

[pictured below]

Photo Credit: Jessica Monte

Its a beautiful thing really, 

expressing a personal feeling through a different face & body.

Somewhat of an out of body experience

who needs drugs when ya' got film and faces.

SINGLE LIFE.

¹sin·gle adjective \ˈsiŋ-gəl\

: not having or including another : only one

Not even Merriam Webster has sympathy on us. Or should I be thanking her for being brutally honest.  Blunt is something very few people are anymore, disappearing like chivalry in the woodwork.

  

Single Life: One of two things

1.   Completely fucking miserable

-OR-

2.   A huge fucking relief.

Excuse my French but I believe we all have come from a relationshit that has shaped us into becoming the person we are today. In the winter season, one seems to forget the beauty of being alone because not only does the sun decide to ditch us, the coldfront tends to annoy us with its obnoxious presence. I’m just here to remind you that it is okay to slip into seasonal depression but remind you to salt your streets, because this is the GOOD LIFE.

“Companionship” is a lucky thing when found in compatibility, however when found in comfort can often lead us to “abandonship”

All we ever talk about is this girl or this guy until one of us changes the subject, due to self realization that there is more to life & maybe we are starting to sound a "little" obsessed.

"I would be lying if I said it is not nice to have the excitement of a P.I.C but I would also be lying if I said it wasn’t nice to wake up in the morning and take a  shit, without wondering if the person in the next room can hear me or not."

---

Self-discovery, you should try it sometime. Being forced to be alone is like being forced to maybe realize things you don't like 

about yourself,rather than having to listen to another person expresss their constant dissatisfaction. It’s finally your turn to discover the traits YOU love about yourself and the ones that could use some serious improvement.

However the best part about being single, is opening your mind to each person you meet. Falling in love not once but multiple times a week, getting butterflies, different species, from different breeds. Whether through conversation or compilations of intimate moments, in all reality, you are not alone you are with the ones you choose to be.

My point is to NEVER settle, but indulge in independence. Share who you are with only the ones who “absolutely” deserves it and if they don’t, kick em’ to the curb or even better...never let them get there. There is no room on single streets for spiritless, boring people. We have all wasted our precious time, and now that the clock is in your hand only share your time with the exciting ones that accentuate the “best” you.

-BESIDES, FREE DINNER NEVER HURT ANYONE-

Xoxo

Gossip girl...

NOT.

TWENTY FOUR.

24 HAS COMPLETELY MIND FU*KED ME

I realize I am no longer a girl but a woman “nesting” in a one bedroom apartment, with no diamond, no child, and no man which I find most women yearning for, which at age 16 to 23 seemed like a fuc*in dream to me too. Lately, instead of counting the minutes on my fertility clock I spend hours pondering all the reasons why I shouldn’t smash the shit out of it; Becoming fully aware there are no chains binding me to anything or anyone, I no longer see the perfect partner, the perfect place to settle, or the mini-me that at one time I so badly yearned for. The childbearing hips still reside, but no child. I see me, alone, in many unfamiliar places just passing through. I fantasize about beautiful faces I will soon encounter. I day-dream of their stories, lust for life and thirst for adventure quite like mine.

   

I then think of all the relationships I’ve lived in, trying to change that person's hair into the waves of the ocean, their eyes the stars I longed to gaze elsewhere, their body mountains I’d only wish to climb. Blaming them for not fulfilling my needs, blaming them for being human. Blaming myself for never being able to settle. At age 24, I’ve learned that the fulfillment I’ve been looking for is no longer in just one mind, one body, or one person for that matter, but in myself and myself alone.  

I am starving for new scenery and an intellectual conversation opposed to carbs and calories.  I am sick with an extreme case of the travel bug when the ones around me are in bed with the common cold. I sit here with symptoms of angst and freedom fever. I now pinch my pennies in hopes that Abraham Lincoln may sympathize with me, and teach me self-restraint along side wisdom to pursue this new life long journey.

“In the end, its not the years in your life that counts. It’s the life in your years.”

-Good Ole Abe Himself

MOUNTAINS

When I actually have to time to think.

I think about packing one of the two hand-me-down suitcases my grandmother gave me that I use as a bedside table.

maybe to the mountains outside of my kitchen

SKIN & TIGHTS

What makes a woman feel beautiful?

 

SHITTY OLD FILM.

FILM AND A FEMALE

It was her first time behind the camera. 

She hated her hands.

She felt awkward, uncomfortable, &

unsure of how to look or act.

She was beautiful.

  

ABORTION.

QUERENCIA: (N.) 

A place from where one's strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self.

She built a tiny house on a rock.

He built her mansions on the sand.

then the rain came.